3 Ways to Power Up Your Language and Gain Influence

If people are not listening to your ideas, you may need to power-up your language.

Weak language will cause people to dismiss what you say. You may be prefacing your idea with a disclaimer such as, “I’m not sure whether this is a good idea, but…” 

Or, you may have been vague about what you want. For example, “I hope you will attend the meeting.”

Finally, even when you do speak, if your nonverbals suggest “I don’t want to interact,” (for example, you don’t speak often or don’t pay close attention when others are speaking) your ideas won’t get noticed.

You can turn weak language into assertive language and get people to listen to your ideas when you employ these three strategies:

1. Avoid hedges
2. Choose concrete language
3. Use nonverbals that convey certainty and reinforce your verbal message.

Tip #1: Don’t hide behind hedges

Hedging is when you qualify a statement or a word with one that minimizes the strength of your message.

        For example:

         “I might go to the conference.”

“Might” is used as a qualifier to imply your uncertainty about going. It may be your intent to hedge because you are hoping for a better opportunity, but if you use it often, people will notice this pattern in your behavior and perceive your indecisiveness as a weakness. To demonstrate certainty and appear more confident about your decisions or ideas, avoid the hedge, and use an absolute such as,

         “I will go to the conference.”

Another time you may think it is appropriate to hedge is when you want to appear humble or don’t want to claim full credit for the work you did, so you say, “As a group, we completed the task.”

When you are working to increase your influence and get your ideas noticed, talk about your contribution. 

“I created a process for reviewing client surveys by analyzing data from past events. I shared this with the team and suggested ways we could use the information to improve upcoming programs. They implemented most of my suggestions which resulted in higher ratings at the next event.”

In this example, you still credit collaborative teamwork but point to specific things you did to achieve the outcome. When you do this, you help others understand what you do in your role and your level of expertise. They will now know to reach out to you when they need your expertise to solve their problem.

One of the most common reasons for hedging is that you fear others may not agree with you, so you say something like:

        Statement 1: “To me, this sounds like a good idea.” Or

         Statement 2: “In my opinion, we should adopt the proposal.”

Statement 1 is weak because the hedging phrase “to me” minimizes your perspective. Additionally, the qualifier “sounds like” diminishes the certainty of it being a good idea. Finally, you have also not given a reason to support your claim (“stating your reason” discussion coming soon).

Statement 2 is weak because the hedge “in my opinion” is unnecessary, does not add any additional information, and weakens your argument by implying your opinion may not be shared by others.

Statement 2 is weak because the hedge “in my opinion” is unnecessary, does not add any additional information, and weakens your argument by implying your opinion may not be shared by others.

A valid reason for hedging is when you have not been able to gather enough data or verify facts. 

Journalists use hedges when police reports on which they’re basing their reports do not include all the facts. When this happens, hedging allows room for various interpretations and avoids legal problems. 

Tip #2: Use concrete language

You want your listeners to have a mental picture of what you are saying. Using concrete language yields more influence because you are not wasting time on useless words that do not clarify your message.

The example below illustrates moving from vague to concrete language. Write the word that comes to your mind for each word prompt below.

If you did not picture a dalmatian for the first few prompts, it is because the language was vague. (If you did, you have ESP or had a lucky guess and should buy a lottery ticket.)

The more concrete the language was, the closer you were to an accurate mental picture. The ability to clarify your message and avoid confusion will increase your credibility and influence.

Anyone can challenge your point by stating a differing point. However, if you provide a reason, they must first challenge your reason, then assert a better reason. Notice how the persuasive statement below uses concrete language and provides a reason that will make it difficult to challenge:

Weak: “I think we should probably adopt the plan.”

Persuasive: “Bob’s idea to implement system XYZ is the best way to go because our data indicate the system will not break down, employees are familiar with parts of the system already, and it will be easy to implement quickly.”

Why is this more persuasive?

1) You eliminated the hedge and asserted your argument.

2) You aligned yourself with Bob and gave him credit for a good idea.

3) You gave more than one reason for why the idea would work. This demonstrates your familiarity with what has been discussed and ability to critically evaluate options. Others may present ideas but can only challenge your idea if they contest your reasons.

How can I stop using weak language?

Now that you are more aware of weak language habits that may be holding you back, you may be wondering how you can change your old habits and incorporate these new ones to increase your influence. Knowledge alone will not lead to change. Be intentional by developing or following a strategy like this one:

o   Scan your writing for weak language. Record yourself in different speaking situations for a few days so that you can make a list of words or phrases you need to change.

o   Focus on changing one or two each week. Track the number of times you changed a weak phrase into a powerful one. Write the powerful word or phrase on your tracking sheet so that you can remember the better phrase.

o   Ask a colleague, friend, or family member to help you by reminding you when you are using the weak language you are trying to avoid. (You might want to use signals like athletes do when they don’t want others to interpret their code.)

Now that you are working on avoiding hedges and using more concrete language to clarify your message, let’s evaluate your nonverbal language.

Tip #3: Use nonverbals that mirror your verbal message

Have you heard the phrase, “actions speak louder than words”? It’s true. People trust our actions or nonverbals more than they trust our verbal messages. Nonverbals are habitual and often subconscious. One study concluded that nonverbals are instinctual when they discovered that babies who were visually impaired made the same facial expressions as babies who were not visually impaired.

While nonverbals may be more difficult to control, we can be intentional about how we use them to increase our influence and look more confident.

How to look more confident

Before you utter a single word, people are forming an impression of you. They decide whether to trust you based on your nonverbals. Become aware of nonverbals by observing other people and reflecting on what they “say” with their body language and vocal tone.

What would you do if you were a celebrity and wanted to attend an event unnoticed? What nonverbals would you display so that no one would notice you?

o   Lower your head and eyes

o   Keep your shoulders down and forward

o   Put your chin down

o   Wear sunglasses and a hat to make it difficult to engage with eye contact

o   Sit near the back of the room or off to the side so that no one will talk with you

o   Avoid eye contact with other people who are speaking

o   Wait until everyone has spoken to speak or not speak at all

o   Speak only when you are asked a question

o   Ask only clarification questions

If you exhibit any of these behaviors and want to increase your influence, set your intention to change them. Replace them with some of these nonverbals that convey confidence:

1) Eye contact – Keep your head up and look directly at the person/people with whom you are speaking.

2) Vocal tone – Energize your voice and project. If people have to strain to hear you, they will stop listening. Practice on your own or work with a coach.

3) Pauses – Become comfortable with silence and avoid filling time needed for memory recall or reflection with fillers such as “ands” or “ums.”

4) Seating – Sit in places that give you access to engage with more people or with the decision makers. Vanessa Van Edwards explains a scientific approach to choosing your seating in this video. 

Change won’t happen overnight.  You will need to be intentional. Start with those behaviors that will make the most impact or those you can most easily overcome.

Make a list of those you want to change. Create a strategy for improving one or two per week. Track your habit each time you implement your new strategy. In week two, keep working on habits from week one, and add one or two more. Do this until you have addressed all the behaviors on your list. You will notice that changing one habit often impacts other behaviors.

To help facilitate this change I have created this Power Language and Tracking Sheet for you to use.

Your confidence will soar when people want to listen to your great ideas because you have powered-up your language by avoiding hedges, employing more concrete language, and becoming more mindful of nonverbals that say, “I am here to contribute and make a difference.”